A great man once said “Breakups are funny. Are they? Not sure. Probably not. But you get to listen to a lot of music.”

And Bossman Jack is right. Breakups involve months of pain, depression and that constant fear that you’ll never love again.

There are some really beautiful things about them though…

For starters they are universal. In those months when you are in agony and you think no one has ever felt the pain you are feeling, the reality is EVERYONE has! Everyone’s been through it. And will go through it again.

They are also incredible opportunities for self-growth. As you reflect on what went wrong, you have an opportunity to take a real look at yourself, the part you played and what you want to leave behind for next time.

And finally, although we may feel like our breakup process is different to other people’s, they actually tend to follow a similar trajectory. I will aim to guide us through this trajectory now. 

Few notes before we get started :

1. The trajectory is not linear! As much as we’d like break ups to be a continuous process of things improving, the reality is that it’s more like a rollercoaster going up and down.

2. Having said that, that rollercoaster is mainly going in an upward trajectory and things do get easier… you won’t stay in the dark night of the soul forever, I promise!

3. Eventually you will come through it, get amnesia, fall in love and do it all over again.

The Breakup Journey

Agony
Extract from ‘Spooky’ by Toby Thompson
It Ain’t Me Babe – Bob Dylan
Beeswing – Richard Thompon
So Long, Marianne – Leonard Cohen

Anger
Sweet Darkness by David Whyte – read by Boe Huntress
Rolling in the Deep – Adele
I Will Survive – Gloria Gaynor
I Wanna Dance with Somebody – Whitney Houston

Sadness
Extract from ‘My Sweet Angel’ by Toby Thompson  
What Is Love – Guts
Such Great Heights – Iron & Wine
Under the Bridge – Red Hot Chilli Peppers

Bargaining
Extract from ‘The Turning of the Leaves’ by Jack Miguel
Irreplaceable – Beyonce
Hallelujah – Leonard Cohen

Depression
Extract from ‘Spooky’ by Toby Thompson
Who Knows Where The Time Goes (BBC Sessions – John Peel 11/9/73) – Sandy Denny
Bleeding Love – Leona Lewis
When You Were Mine – Cyndi Lauper

Acceptance
Extract from ‘The Turning of the Leaves’ by Jack Miguel
YMCA – Village People
I’m Coming Out – Diana Ross

Massive thanks to my very talented friends – Toby, Jack and Boe – for sharing with me their beautiful poems!